The Whale and Argyle Socks.

SOME women BREEZE through pregnancy.

I am not one of them.

SOME women feel better pregnant than not.

I am not one of them either.

SOME women don't need maternity clothes until the end of their second trimester (that is what "The Book" says about maternity.)

Uhm-hmm! Not ME!

SOME women barely show for months!

I am ABSOLUTELY not one of them!

One morning, only 8 weeks along, I woke up to get ready for work, and could not get my pants to button. Here I was, early in the morning, frantically searching through boxes of maternity clothes (untouched for nearly four years) for ANYTHING resembling professional wear. I arrived a little late, and in something a little less than appropriate.

Hey! The last time I was pregnant, there was no career in sight!

SOME women look GREAT right up until the end!

I am not one of those women.

I look something like this:

Now, due to tradition ever since I got married, my sister and I are pregnant together. She is 8 months pregnant, and unlike me, she looks like this:

I can almost hear "Isn't She Lovely" playing in the background.

Now to add to my current lack of attraction, I have SPIRIT!

Are you wondering what I mean by that? Well, allow me to enlighten you! Twice a year, the company I work for has a huge meeting, awards banquet and party. The region who shows the most "spirit" (i.e. yelling, screaming, signs, costumes, noisemakers, etc....) is rewarded with an exclusive dinner at a fancy restaurant.

My region won last time, and it was wonderful! We ate here. And for the first time ever (according to his brother) I rendered the top man in the state speechless.

But more about that later...

There is a golf theme, so to show we have spirit, we are wearing argyle socks...

(These are much cuter than mine.)

And khaki slacks rolled up to look like knickers.

Hmmmmmmm...

What will that look like?

Let's look at that picture of me again:

Well, if I had photoshop -which I don't- perhaps I could help you envision that.

But instead you will have to use your imagination.;

That is probably funnier anyway.

I hope you can laugh at me!

'Cause I sure can!!!

NO! I WON'T post pictures!